so very thankful

I want to take a minute to say that I am filled with gratitude when I reflect upon my life right now and how God has directed me and brought me to this place. To the Bronx, to this meaningful job, and to this community of believers. I read this morning from Heart Aflame (a devotional based on the book of Psalms and Calvin's commentaries on the Psalms) that when we, as believers, see God's hand of goodness in our lives, the proper response is to be overjoyed and to let praise spill out of us. I don't do that often enough. My guess is that it's not always second nature to us. But it's so good to remind ourselves of the faithfulness of God in our lives. Doing so serves to establish more firmly in our distracted minds the fact that God is good and that He is for us. It diminishes the negative things we encounter on a day-to-day basis by stirring up hope and faith inside.

Wednesday night, I had the chance to go on a walk out in the middle of nowhere in Rapidan, VA with my friend Laura (who drove 40 minutes both ways to come see me). Her visit was like a breath of fresh air amidst what had been a very lonely few days of work training. We talked about God, we prayed, we reminisced on the ways He had been good to us during the few weeks we had together living in Naomi's house. All we could hear as we sat by the side of the road was crickets and the occasional frog. No lights, no other sounds, no human beings anywhere near us. And I was blown away by the simple beauty of that moment and the nearness of His presence with us, His daughters.

So here is my list of things for which I am thankful:

I am thankful for friends, for times of prayer and recalling glimpses of God's hand in our lives.
I am thankful for my parents, for the chance to see them again this past weekend, for how much they love me and each other, for their generous hearts and the ways they make me laugh.
I am thankful for a job in which I can help people who are struggling to get by, network with similar organizations, and have my eyes opened to the fact that not everyone has had it as good as I have.
I am thankful for M&Ms I found this morning that I left in my desk last Thursday because now I can snack on them.
I am thankful for cooler weather and relief from the heat.
I am thankful for Lisa coming to pick me up from downtown Manhattan last night so that I didn't have to take the subway carrying all my luggage, as well as the chance to talk to her about working in a secular environment.
I am thankful for lunch breaks!

Now what are YOU thankful for?

pickles and perspective

I came home yesterday from work absolutely tired and drained and in need of spiritual nourishment and encouragement. Not to sound too "Grove City"-ish but I'm starting to realize just how different (and incompatible) my worldview is with some of the people I work with. It's hard to be in an environment where the truth isn't valued (or even acknowledged as a real "thing")...where it's all about padding it or watering it down to soften the blow. If the truth is going to offend, then it's better not to say it at all. On the other hand, it's fine to say false things as long as you are "building the client's self esteem".
I told a young man yesterday in a client meeting that he was "in a pickle" (which he absolutely was)and later the employee who was shadowing me reprimanded me for not staying positive and using the "strengths-based model" of social work. I find myself mentally running into God's presence throughout the day as I work, begging for His joy and strength and grace. I feel like I'm going crazy sometimes because I am the only one who sees things the way I see them...for example if you need a driver's license in order to get a job but can't leave NYC to cross the border into New Jersey to take your driving test because your parole officer won't let you leave the city...you, my friend, are in a pickle. And I want to be able to tell you that. I want you to realize how sorry your state is, because maybe JUST MAYBE the way you've been doing things in the past HASN'T worked out for you. And maybe it's time for a change.
I spoke with one of my roommates yesterday and our conversation brought so much joy and life into my situation. I am grateful that though my job is difficult I get to come home to a house full of people who love the truth and point me to Jesus.
Last night, I read this in a book and want to share it here because it is just that good:
"More than anything else I could ever do, the gospel enables me to embrace my tribulations and thereby position myself to gain full benefit from them. For the gospel is the one great permanent circumstance in which I live and move; and every hardship in my life is allowed by God only because it serves His gospel purposes in me. When I view my circumstances in this light, I realize that the gospel is not just one piece of good news that fits into my life somewhere among all the bad. I realize instead that the gospel makes genuinely good news out of every other aspect of my life, including my severest trials. The good news about my trials is that God is forcing them to bow to His gospel purposes and do good unto me by improving my character and making me more conformed to the image of Christ... I can then embrace my trials as friends and allow them to do God's good work in me." (p. 31-32, "A Gospel Primer for Christians" by Milton Vincent)
I have already begun to see the good that God is working in me through the frustrations I encounter at work. My thoughts, instead of wandering away from the Lord as they are so prone to do, run desperately to Him. The weariness I feel causes me to lean all the more on Him. And the lack of sympathetic co-workers at work makes the fellowship I have at home even sweeter.

speaking of sovereignty...

Today one of the ladies from church invited me to come along with her to NJ to go shopping at Han Ah Reum, a Korean grocery store. I had been wanting to buy kimchi, so it was perfect. But being in a Korean store, surrounded by other Korean people made me really miss my mom, so I called her while I was there, to see if she could offer some advice on which kimchi was the best kind to buy. Turns out she had just read my blog and found it really encouraging (which I was happy to hear). She told me how comforting God's sovereignty has been for her as she has watched me grow up and leave home to move to the Bronx. At first she had been really upset about my moving to New York, especially since this area of the Bronx isn't exactly known for being safe. "But", she said cheerfully, "I realized something. If it is God's will for you to be killed...then you are going to be killed no matter WHERE you go!"


There you have it. I couldn't have said it better myself. Thanks, Mom :)

light on the subway

Yesterday my work sent me to a meeting in Manhattan, so that meant a long subway ride back and forth from the Bronx. I picked up a little booklet at my friend Lauren Tiller's church a few weeks back entitled "The Sanity of Sovereignty" and got to read a few chapters of it during my commute. It basically talks about how having faith in God's sovereignty allows us to live in freedom- whether we encounter joys or pain, blessing or hardship. The author, Nate Atwood, relates the stories of people he knows personally, who have lost a child or battled cancer, illustrating his point that even when bad things happen, God is not only in control, but He is good.

Nate writes, "...we know that nothing touches us that God does not allow..." I jotted down this little revelation, and I know its truth will sustain me for the rest of my life: "Nothing touches me that God does not allow, and His purpose in everything is to make me more like Christ. This is for my good and to His glory." God is after His own glory...and yet He promises that "all things work together for the good of those who love Him"!

Even when we don't understand why. Even then He is working it out for His glory and for our good!

"Rejoice in the Lord/He makes no mistake/He knoweth the end/Of each path I take/And when I am tried/And purified/I shall come forth as gold."