"'You are a king, then!' said Pilate." BINGO.

Reading a marriage book, at my father's behest. (Is that the proper use of that word? I'm not sure...) It's called "What Did You Expect", so I assume it addresses the expectations (probably FALSE expectations, at that) people have as they enter marriage. I'm on chapter 4 now, having finished chapters 2 and 3 last night. I must say, for being a marriage book it sure speaks to me in my singleness...

Here are a few gleanings from chapter 3 entitled "Whose Kingdom?" that I believe will benefit anyone who reads this whether contentedly single, discontentedly single, contentedly married, or discontentedly married. Or oblivious to such matters.

Paul David Tripp, the author, writes "...we are kingdom oriented people. We always live in the service of one of two kingdoms." (pg. 47-48) The first, the one we enter the world pledging our allegiance to, is the kingdom of self. In this kingdom, we rule as king, and our desires, our dreams, and our needs are of singular importance. This is also known as Living in Sin. Sin is described a few paragraphs earlier in his book: "Sin, at its root, makes us shrink our lives to the narrow confines of our little, self-defined world. It causes us to shrink our focus, motivation, and concern to the size of our own wants, needs, and feelings. Sin causes all of us to be WAY too self-aware and self-important. Sin is essentially anti-social. It dehumanizes the people in our lives: they are reduced either to vehicles to help us get what we want or obstacles in the way of what we want. They are no longer objects of our willing affection." (pg. 47)

The second, is the kingdom of God. For those who profess faith in Jesus Christ, this is the kingdom we have been saved into. By God's grace, He frees us from our bondage to ourselves, to our self-coronating sin.

I laughed as I caught a glimpse of my church's Good Friday service bulletin poking out from underneath the rubble on my desk this morning. These words were the only ones I could see:

"You are a king, then!" said Pilate. (John 18:37).

Pilate does not say this to acknowledge Jesus' testimony of Himself (or His kingdom) as true. We know this because the very next words out of Pilate's mouth are, "What is Truth?" This kind of kingdom did not make any sense to Pilate. My guess is he said it in the tone people use when talking to people that might be crazy. "So, you're the real Shirley Temple and your identity has been stolen, eh?" (this is a real-life example from my job, by the way).

Only in this instance, Pilate was uttering profound truth, and he had no idea. Words which ought to have brought him to his knees before the King of kings, were spoken in a condescending manner, not knowing Who stood before him.

And don't we do the same thing in our lives with Jesus?

There's nothing wrong with Jesus, we find no fault with Him. But we fail to acknowledge His kingship. At best, we are amused with the concept so we'll listen for a bit, acknowledge it in our own way. But when life doesn't go as planned, our allegiance to our own kingdom is exposed. We don't laugh and rest in His sovereignty: we flip out and get offended. God has violated the laws of our own kingdom, the way we wanted things to go.

And this, Tripp writes, is why marriages which started off full of love and affection go sour. When (feelings of) love dry up and the other person violates our expectations, it's a battle of one's kingdom of self against another's. The only way to aright this is to seek together God's kingdom, His righteousness. A marriage of unity and understanding and real love rests on the bedrock of joyful allegiance to Christ's Kingdom. And so it is with those who are single, too. A single life of peace and gratitude and purpose and fulfillment rests on the same bedrock. As we turn our eyes away from self, and onto Christ, making Him the object of our deepest affections, we discover a better kingdom and, more importantly, a King... Who takes care of all our needs, who doesn't give us what our sins deserve, who lovingly crowns us with grace and compassion. A King who exposes our sin, frees us from its chains, and transforms us into people who love selflessly as He does.