It seems to always surprise people when they find out that life is not always about them. Imagine the shock that rippled throughout the educated masses when Copernicus, Galileo, and then finally Newton confirmed that, contrary to popular belief, the earth was not actually at the center of the universe. It was hard to swallow then, and it's still hard for us to swallow today.
What? It's not all about me?
I'm reading a book entitled "Dug Down Deep" by Joshua Harris. I've only read the first few chapters, but so far it's been a very enjoyable read. He writes in a very candid manner (punctuated by bits of humor), and invites the reader to take a look into his own spiritual journey. As he writes, "this book is the story of how I learned to dig into truth and build my life on a real knowledge of God." He brings up the point that many people claim to be Christians but lack a true understanding of the true God, that many of us live as if being a Christian means holding to a certain moral standard and agreeing that yes, there is a God out there (though his actual character and nature remain more nebulous and vague). Mostly he is there just to answer our prayer requests and make us happy. We've made God incredibly small, and made ourselves so incredibly big.
We've lost touch with the idea of a God whose holiness makes him wholly unapproachable, who destroyed 70 men in one day for staring into the ark of His presence, whose passing glory left an afterglow on Moses' face so that people could not even look at him... we treat His commands with contempt, call them "outdated". We talk all about His love for us, but neglect His justice and the fact that we fail to obey Him!
For years I have lived my life as if God was out to wait on me, to move at my beck and call. I would worship Him, but only because I thought that's what He needed me to do. Like somehow He was needy for my affection or "wanted a relationship with me." Whoa. Not only was that an ultra-elevated view of myself, it was a completely wrong view of the God of the Bible.
The God of the Bible is after His own glory. He is self-sufficient, not dependent on anyone or anything. He has existed (in the truest, most real sense) since before time. He is all-wise, completely good, and unchanging. His vastness is beyond human comprehension, and His character is inexhaustible. Unlike humans who need to eat and sleep to stay alive, God draws "unending energy from himself" (p. 42 Dug Down Deep) Basically, God is the very definition of life. What a neat thought! And this One who needs nothing, He chooses to give life and breath to every living creature. He is the One who sustains all of earthly life!
And I thought I could please Him or impress Him through my super-spirituality, my outwardly righteous deeds and impressive knowledge of Him. God is not impressed with those things, though. He is mostly impressed with Himself. And He wants me to be impressed with Him too. He wants to reveal who He truly is to me so that I will relate to Him rightly. My response ought to be worship.
The problem is that my tendency is self-worship. I mean, it kinda makes sense that I would naturally think that life was all about me...after all, I am the starting point of reality since all of life is filtered through my own eyes, my own mind. I define my own priorities, my own problems.
"But the biblical mindset...is completely opposite. Here the starting point is God. His rights and goals define reality. We talk of human rights and civil rights, but never of Creator rights...the implication was that what constitutes a problem
in this universe is not what upsets my itsy-bitsy world of clothes, sex, food, relationships, traffic, and television. No, what constitutes a problem is anything that contradicts the goals and plans of this Creator" (p. 47 Dug Down Deep).
Think about the things that we get angry about. Usually it's when things don't go our own way, when we feel our rights have been violated. When we live life for ourselves, of course we will often feel angry. But we were created to live in the fear of the Lord, in the knowledge of who He is, and with His purposes in mind. This means that we don't ask why things aren't going our way. We ask, instead, why a holy and just God hasn't struck us down dead yet. We marvel at His greatness and holiness, we stand amazed at His love and the riches of his grace. What a shift in thinking! What a freeing way to live! No longer do I need to worry about why this or that is or isn't.
The Bible promises that if we "seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness" God will add the rest to us. He will take care of us. But that doesn't mean that it's about us. No, no, no...it's all about Him. We just get to play a part in this story of salvation, and for that we should be eternally grateful.
I'm humbled at how patient God is with me. He graciously reveals Himself to me, even when it seems like at times my ears are completely stopped up, unwilling to hear His voice. And even when I rebel against His kingship in my life, He tarries with me, bringing revelation, correction, and restoration. He helps me to shift my me-centered focus to the reality of a universe centered around Him.
"Yes, Lord, walking in the ways of your laws, we wait for you; your name and renown are the desire of our hearts." -Isaiah 26:8
Sunday, November 14, 2010
Monday, October 25, 2010
Sunday, September 19, 2010
when I sin
Yesterday, I exploded at one of my friends. My feelings (my pride) had been injured and it was completely silly of me to harbor any grievance at all, but I have been known to be irrational at times. Anyway, I brought up an issue over which I was upset and picked a fight with her about it. I was angry that something that felt so important to me seemed so petty to her. It was made worse by the fact that she could hardly even remember the details of the incident in question.
After I had gotten out all of my words, we sat in silence for a while. Then I was so ashamed at my outburst that I began to cry. Super. So not only am I a meanie, but a crybaby! (If I remember correctly, that's two of the three worst things the other kids on the playground could call you, the third being "tattle-tale").
I wish I could say I was crying because I felt repentant at my poor attitude, but in reality it probably had more to do with the loss of a certain "reputation" I felt I had established here. I imagine I give off an impression of being caring and generous and helpful and patient... when I want to. And here I was watching my so-called reputation come crashing down in one fell swoop. Sin had reared its ugly head, and actually surfaced past where it normally did. I mean, I know that I am sinful, but I think I try pretty hard to not let others know that.
Paul Miller writes in A Praying Life: "All sin involves a splitting of the personality- what James calls being 'double-minded'. If we become proud, we have an inflated sense of self that has lost touch with who we really are. If a husband watches porn online and then warmly greets his wife, he has created two people- one public and one hidden. If you talk about friends disparagingly behind their backs, you've created two personalities- the loving friend and the gossipping friend. You try to keep the personalities separate by telling those to whom you gossip, 'Please keep this in confidence'" (p. 92)
If sin involves a splitting of the personality, then our aim should be to get our inner and outer lives to match. Now this is, in actuality, impossible for us to achieve on our own. That is why God poured out the wrath we justly deserved on His perfect Son, Jesus. Because of His perfectly sinless life, substitutionary death on our behalf, and resurrection from the grave, we are declared righteous (though we are sinners). All we need to do when we sin is repent.
Miller continues, "Repentance brings the split personality together and thus restores integrity to the life. The real self is made public. When the proud person is humbled, the elevated self is united with the true self." (p. 92)
In one sense, I'm glad my sin was exposed. I need to be reminded every once in a while that not doing sinful actions in the sight of other people is not the same as not being sinful. My heart (apart from the work of Christ) is desperately wicked. And only when we let others see our sin can we deal with it and be restored to purity of heart and action.
So I asked another friend, "What do I do now?" I had already apologized to the offended party, and we were okay. But I still felt the heavy feeling of guilt and shame. This other friend gave me great advice which I will now share with anyone who stumbles upon this post and actually makes it this far. She said that I ought to thank God that He took care of my sin and its ultimate consequence (eternal death and separation from God) at the Cross, and that I should now live in faith that He has taken away my shame. If you're lucky, you have friends who will forgive you and accept you as you truly are (forgiven and redeemed)...but even if you don't have friends who will forgive you for your sinful actions, you can know that in the person and work of Jesus Christ, an atonement has been made for your sin. All of it. Every single one. And you can go on with your life humbled (by the realization of your sin AND by the grace of God revealed at the Cross) and confident of your righteous status in God's eyes.
We should not be surprised by our sin. The Bible says that ALL have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. This means that no one is free from sin. We always think we are the only ones who sin, who mess up, who have ugly hearts...but that is not the case. Now, that doesn't give us excuse or license to sin. As children of God and heirs with Christ we must learn to hate sin because it is offensive to the One who loves us. But we don't have to run and hide our sin any longer (think Adam and Eve in the garden of Eden when God was looking for them). We don't have to be afraid of being "exposed" for what we truly are. Only if we own up to the fact that we are sinners can we truly embrace and rejoice in the provision of the Cross!
After I had gotten out all of my words, we sat in silence for a while. Then I was so ashamed at my outburst that I began to cry. Super. So not only am I a meanie, but a crybaby! (If I remember correctly, that's two of the three worst things the other kids on the playground could call you, the third being "tattle-tale").
I wish I could say I was crying because I felt repentant at my poor attitude, but in reality it probably had more to do with the loss of a certain "reputation" I felt I had established here. I imagine I give off an impression of being caring and generous and helpful and patient... when I want to. And here I was watching my so-called reputation come crashing down in one fell swoop. Sin had reared its ugly head, and actually surfaced past where it normally did. I mean, I know that I am sinful, but I think I try pretty hard to not let others know that.
Paul Miller writes in A Praying Life: "All sin involves a splitting of the personality- what James calls being 'double-minded'. If we become proud, we have an inflated sense of self that has lost touch with who we really are. If a husband watches porn online and then warmly greets his wife, he has created two people- one public and one hidden. If you talk about friends disparagingly behind their backs, you've created two personalities- the loving friend and the gossipping friend. You try to keep the personalities separate by telling those to whom you gossip, 'Please keep this in confidence'" (p. 92)
If sin involves a splitting of the personality, then our aim should be to get our inner and outer lives to match. Now this is, in actuality, impossible for us to achieve on our own. That is why God poured out the wrath we justly deserved on His perfect Son, Jesus. Because of His perfectly sinless life, substitutionary death on our behalf, and resurrection from the grave, we are declared righteous (though we are sinners). All we need to do when we sin is repent.
Miller continues, "Repentance brings the split personality together and thus restores integrity to the life. The real self is made public. When the proud person is humbled, the elevated self is united with the true self." (p. 92)
In one sense, I'm glad my sin was exposed. I need to be reminded every once in a while that not doing sinful actions in the sight of other people is not the same as not being sinful. My heart (apart from the work of Christ) is desperately wicked. And only when we let others see our sin can we deal with it and be restored to purity of heart and action.
So I asked another friend, "What do I do now?" I had already apologized to the offended party, and we were okay. But I still felt the heavy feeling of guilt and shame. This other friend gave me great advice which I will now share with anyone who stumbles upon this post and actually makes it this far. She said that I ought to thank God that He took care of my sin and its ultimate consequence (eternal death and separation from God) at the Cross, and that I should now live in faith that He has taken away my shame. If you're lucky, you have friends who will forgive you and accept you as you truly are (forgiven and redeemed)...but even if you don't have friends who will forgive you for your sinful actions, you can know that in the person and work of Jesus Christ, an atonement has been made for your sin. All of it. Every single one. And you can go on with your life humbled (by the realization of your sin AND by the grace of God revealed at the Cross) and confident of your righteous status in God's eyes.
We should not be surprised by our sin. The Bible says that ALL have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. This means that no one is free from sin. We always think we are the only ones who sin, who mess up, who have ugly hearts...but that is not the case. Now, that doesn't give us excuse or license to sin. As children of God and heirs with Christ we must learn to hate sin because it is offensive to the One who loves us. But we don't have to run and hide our sin any longer (think Adam and Eve in the garden of Eden when God was looking for them). We don't have to be afraid of being "exposed" for what we truly are. Only if we own up to the fact that we are sinners can we truly embrace and rejoice in the provision of the Cross!
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
My God, He provides for me!
So, it's been a very busy several weeks and it is only going to get worse (September is a big recruitment month for our organization, so I will be working a lot of extra evenings and weekends in the next few weeks). But in the busyness, I forgot to mention a cool incident that happened last week in which I saw God's presence and provision:
I was waiting with my co-worker at a street corner to take a bus to a nearby college to speak in a classroom and she was a little frustrated because the bus was taking so long to get there. It was probably 95 degrees out and perfectly sunny. We could both feel beads of sweat dripping down our business-casually-clad backs. We were also going to be late. When the bus finally did arrive, I realized with horror that I had not brought a fully loaded Metro card with me, and was currently carrying no cash! My co-worker rummaged through her purse and found a few dollar bills, but I remembered that the buses only accepted coins. I didn't even have a chance to pray, I was in a mental frenzy. We'd already walked a few blocks just to get here and if I ran back to get coins at the office, we'd miss this bus and have to wait another 15 minutes.
Because I was left no other choice, I began to climb the steps onto the bus, all the while wondering what I was going to do. My co-worker went in front of me, swiping her monthly pass, and I prepared myself for how I was going to explain this predicament to the driver. Suddenly he pointed at me and said, "You, don't swipe your card, give this woman $2.25 in cash. She swiped her card twice by accident, so she paid for your fare." Just like that, my fare was paid for, and because we were paying the woman in front of us and not feeding the coin machine on the bus we could pay her with dollar bills!
My co-worker, who is a self-proclaimed agnostic (and who knows that I am a Christian) said, "That worked out nicely!" I smiled because I knew it had been God providing for my needs before I could even voice them to Him.
In small things like that, God makes His presence known to me. Even when I am powerless (or should I say, especially when I'm powerless) He intervenes, sometimes without my asking, to come to my rescue. He really does care for me! And that incident positioned my heart to cry out to Him in similar situations, instead of worrying about how I am going to fix it.
About two hours later, I boarded the wrong train home and got off just in the nick of time, before the train left the station. I found a bus stop that looked like it would take me home and prayed that God would help me because I had just spent money getting into the train station that I could've spent on this bus I was about to take.
When the bus pulled up and I stepped up ready to insert my metrocard in the slot to waste yet another $2.25 the bus driver waved his hand for me to just take my seat. At first I was confused but then the lady behind me told me that the machine wasn't working so we were basically getting to ride for free. Ha! Twice in one day, God provided for me in seemingly small ways.
In the past, I might've tried to chalk this up to "coincidence" but that is because my cynical heart is so prone to doubt God's presence and involvement in my life. I am His child, purchased by the blood of Jesus, and now indwelt by His Spirit! Of course He is involved in my life, down to the minutest detail!
I pray that this little story encourages you and that you can examine your own heart and see if little seeds of cynicism have been allowed to grow there. When we view our situations with eyes of faith, we are able to recognize Jesus in areas of our lives that we did not before. I pray that our hearts would be filled with childlike faith to believe God is who He says He is, and that we would not hesitate in turning to our Heavenly Father bringing our requests and grateful hearts fo Him!
I was waiting with my co-worker at a street corner to take a bus to a nearby college to speak in a classroom and she was a little frustrated because the bus was taking so long to get there. It was probably 95 degrees out and perfectly sunny. We could both feel beads of sweat dripping down our business-casually-clad backs. We were also going to be late. When the bus finally did arrive, I realized with horror that I had not brought a fully loaded Metro card with me, and was currently carrying no cash! My co-worker rummaged through her purse and found a few dollar bills, but I remembered that the buses only accepted coins. I didn't even have a chance to pray, I was in a mental frenzy. We'd already walked a few blocks just to get here and if I ran back to get coins at the office, we'd miss this bus and have to wait another 15 minutes.
Because I was left no other choice, I began to climb the steps onto the bus, all the while wondering what I was going to do. My co-worker went in front of me, swiping her monthly pass, and I prepared myself for how I was going to explain this predicament to the driver. Suddenly he pointed at me and said, "You, don't swipe your card, give this woman $2.25 in cash. She swiped her card twice by accident, so she paid for your fare." Just like that, my fare was paid for, and because we were paying the woman in front of us and not feeding the coin machine on the bus we could pay her with dollar bills!
My co-worker, who is a self-proclaimed agnostic (and who knows that I am a Christian) said, "That worked out nicely!" I smiled because I knew it had been God providing for my needs before I could even voice them to Him.
In small things like that, God makes His presence known to me. Even when I am powerless (or should I say, especially when I'm powerless) He intervenes, sometimes without my asking, to come to my rescue. He really does care for me! And that incident positioned my heart to cry out to Him in similar situations, instead of worrying about how I am going to fix it.
About two hours later, I boarded the wrong train home and got off just in the nick of time, before the train left the station. I found a bus stop that looked like it would take me home and prayed that God would help me because I had just spent money getting into the train station that I could've spent on this bus I was about to take.
When the bus pulled up and I stepped up ready to insert my metrocard in the slot to waste yet another $2.25 the bus driver waved his hand for me to just take my seat. At first I was confused but then the lady behind me told me that the machine wasn't working so we were basically getting to ride for free. Ha! Twice in one day, God provided for me in seemingly small ways.
In the past, I might've tried to chalk this up to "coincidence" but that is because my cynical heart is so prone to doubt God's presence and involvement in my life. I am His child, purchased by the blood of Jesus, and now indwelt by His Spirit! Of course He is involved in my life, down to the minutest detail!
I pray that this little story encourages you and that you can examine your own heart and see if little seeds of cynicism have been allowed to grow there. When we view our situations with eyes of faith, we are able to recognize Jesus in areas of our lives that we did not before. I pray that our hearts would be filled with childlike faith to believe God is who He says He is, and that we would not hesitate in turning to our Heavenly Father bringing our requests and grateful hearts fo Him!
Friday, August 27, 2010
I don't know whether it's getting quieter out here or whether I am adjusting to the noise, but lately I have been sleeping like a baby. I think I woke up this morning in the exact same position I fell asleep in last night. I don't recall hearing any sirens or car alarms...
And right now, all I hear outside my window (other than the distant droning of an airplane) is the chirping of birds!
Aaaand, I just discovered that the cathedral on the corner of my street chimes the hour!
Hmmm...the only explanation is that sometime between the time I drifted off to sleep last night and this morning, I must've been transported back to Grove City.
And right now, all I hear outside my window (other than the distant droning of an airplane) is the chirping of birds!
Aaaand, I just discovered that the cathedral on the corner of my street chimes the hour!
Hmmm...the only explanation is that sometime between the time I drifted off to sleep last night and this morning, I must've been transported back to Grove City.
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
it's Tuesday.
Today was another long day of training downtown near Wall Street. It was an hour commute one way, and I woke up only half an hour before I had to leave the house at 8:30 this morning, which meant a lot of rushing around and no time to even crack open my Bible or drink any coffee before work. Coffee was provided for us on site once we arrived at the Food Bank's headquarters, but there was no time throughout the day to set aside specifically for reading the Word or pondering God.
Looking back through the day, it didn't feel very spiritual. I sat on the subway for two hours alternating between feelings of tiredness and discomfort (being squashed between two big men). I sat through six hours of training on eligibility requirements for food stamp applications. I came home and baked cookies with my roommates' five-year-old cousin, had dinner, contemplated going for a run (but didn't because it got dark fast, and rained again), and then sat down with Emily to watch an episode of Everybody Loves Raymond. Other than reading "A Praying Life" for a bit on the train ride home, I didn't actively try very hard to draw near to God today.
Ordinarily, I would get down on myself about this and begin to distance myself intentionally from Him. I used to expect Him to treat me like I treat people when they ignore me or avoid me for some time. I thought that maybe He was hurt and harboring feelings of bitterness against me for not making time in my day for Him. I thought maybe He won't draw near to me today, because I have not drawn near to Him. And maybe He'll be kinda cold towards me for a few days...until I have learned my lesson.
Thank God He's not like me! Not only is He not like me, but our relationship does not all ride on me! I think one of the greatest passages in the Bible is Philippians 1:6 "...being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus."
I used to think that unless I was constantly fasting, praying, worshipping, etc. that my relationship with God would go down the tubes. In fact, I grew up being told "you are as close to God as you want to be!" Which was horrible news most of the time because I hardly ever really wanted to be close to Him. If only I could be passionate enough or sold out enough...THEN He would love me and then I could be a "good" Christian, one who was happy all the time, spouting off Scripture, and leading hundreds of people to Christ every day.
The longer I am a Christian, the more I recognize and lean on God's faithfulness to me! I realize it's not about how faithful I am to Him! I can't always be as passionate as I should be about Him. I am weak, and I fail. If this whole Christian walk were up to me, I would have derailed years ago. But God, in His grace, has kept me all these years. He sustains me, He keeps His promise: He will continue what He has started in me. So even when I have days where it feels as if I have lost sight of what's important, I can rest in the fact that my Father's got me. He hasn't forgotten about me or brushed me aside until I can get my act together. No, He is orchestrating the events of my life, ordaining my every step, using all that happens to me to sanctify me and glorfiy Himself in my life- even the most ordinary days.
Looking back through the day, it didn't feel very spiritual. I sat on the subway for two hours alternating between feelings of tiredness and discomfort (being squashed between two big men). I sat through six hours of training on eligibility requirements for food stamp applications. I came home and baked cookies with my roommates' five-year-old cousin, had dinner, contemplated going for a run (but didn't because it got dark fast, and rained again), and then sat down with Emily to watch an episode of Everybody Loves Raymond. Other than reading "A Praying Life" for a bit on the train ride home, I didn't actively try very hard to draw near to God today.
Ordinarily, I would get down on myself about this and begin to distance myself intentionally from Him. I used to expect Him to treat me like I treat people when they ignore me or avoid me for some time. I thought that maybe He was hurt and harboring feelings of bitterness against me for not making time in my day for Him. I thought maybe He won't draw near to me today, because I have not drawn near to Him. And maybe He'll be kinda cold towards me for a few days...until I have learned my lesson.
Thank God He's not like me! Not only is He not like me, but our relationship does not all ride on me! I think one of the greatest passages in the Bible is Philippians 1:6 "...being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus."
I used to think that unless I was constantly fasting, praying, worshipping, etc. that my relationship with God would go down the tubes. In fact, I grew up being told "you are as close to God as you want to be!" Which was horrible news most of the time because I hardly ever really wanted to be close to Him. If only I could be passionate enough or sold out enough...THEN He would love me and then I could be a "good" Christian, one who was happy all the time, spouting off Scripture, and leading hundreds of people to Christ every day.
The longer I am a Christian, the more I recognize and lean on God's faithfulness to me! I realize it's not about how faithful I am to Him! I can't always be as passionate as I should be about Him. I am weak, and I fail. If this whole Christian walk were up to me, I would have derailed years ago. But God, in His grace, has kept me all these years. He sustains me, He keeps His promise: He will continue what He has started in me. So even when I have days where it feels as if I have lost sight of what's important, I can rest in the fact that my Father's got me. He hasn't forgotten about me or brushed me aside until I can get my act together. No, He is orchestrating the events of my life, ordaining my every step, using all that happens to me to sanctify me and glorfiy Himself in my life- even the most ordinary days.
Monday, August 23, 2010
covenant
Christians tend to throw words around.
You know what I mean. We have certain words we use (most of the time around other believers or in a church-y setting) and overuse, to the point where we may forget to dwell on the meaning behind those words.
Covenant is one such word, for me at least.
I grew up in a Korean church called New Covenant Fellowship Church (NCFC)- shout out to my most faithful reader, my cousin Daniel, who is going strong there- and I remember that all of the older Korean men and women in the church referred to it simply as "Huellowship Gyoye" (which means Fellowship Church; the "f" sound is a hard for native Korean speakers to pronounce sometimes). So the word "covenant" was dropped (even the English speakers just referred to it as NCFC) and although I was familiar with the word, I never much thought about the word "covenant" which is a travesty because it is a word packed with rich meaning.
Now, I am not a theologian by profession so what follows may not be a super in-depth explanation of the idea of covenant, but it's what I have understood at this point in my life. I welcome any ideas/thoughts that you have on this topic.
So, covenant simply means an agreement between two parties. I am reading through material for my "covenant membership" class for the church I now attend, and it states that every human relationship apart from the parent-child relationship and coerced relationships (like one between a master and slave) are covenant relationships on some level. One party promises some good/service and the other agrees to offer something in exchange for it...now that sounds super "mercantilistic" (yes, I am aware that this may not be a real word) but, as a sociology major in college, I do understand that there is always a "give and take" in almost every human relationship. Even in our friendships, we see this. In exchange for your friendship, I will invest my time into continuing to get to know you, and you might call or write in order to ensure that I will keep up my end of the bargain. Now not all of these stipulatons are outlined in writing or even addressed outright, but covenant is usually marked and sealed by some external sign. Marriage is sealed by rings and a marriage license and a public declaration before witnesses. In middle school, my best friends and I wore half-heart necklaces that, when put together, read "Best Friends Forever" as an outward sign of our commitment to one another.
"Covenant" is first introduced in Genesis 3:15 when God promises that the serpent's head will be crushed; the consequences of Adam and Eve's sin will be dealt with by the coming Savior. We see it again when God makes an agreement with Abraham, He promises that He will make his name great and give him descendants that outnumber the sand on the shore or the stars in the sky.
I think of the covenant God made with Noah, and how he sealed it with the rainbow. A promise, a reminder if you will, to us- that whenever we see the rainbow up in the rainclouds we will think "ah, eventually this rain will let up. God has promised never to flood the earth completely again." How beautiful.
But there are not-so-beautiful aspects of covenent, namely, the breaking of it. You see, covenant relationships are binding agreements. They are not to be taken lightly, they are not to be broken ever. Neither party can fail to uphold their end of the covenant, without there being serious consequences.
God initiates a covenant with Israel in the Old Testament. Even though they do not seek Him like they ought (because they are unable to in their wickedness and sin) God promises grace to them. He will not destroy them. He will set apart a people for Himself. He gives them the sacrificial system by which the blood of animals will serve as a temporary hold-over for his wrath. In Deuteronomy, God promises blessing and His very presence and protection instead of curses if Israel will but obey God and serve Him alone as God. (Deut. 29:9-14, 30:16-20)
If you've grown up going to church, you know what happens. Israel turns away from God time and time again, just as we are so prone to do. We are the recipients of grace and divine love, but we squander what we've been given, we scorn God's mercy and turn aside to follow our own hearts. What Israel deserved for breaking covenant with a holy God was outlined in the Deuteronomy passage above: "...if your heart turns away and you are not obedient, and if you are drawn away to bow down before other gods and worship them, I declare to you this day that you will certainly be destroyed...(Deut. 30:27-18) What God says carries weight. He cannot lie, so we can be sure that anything He says is a promise. When Israel sinned by turning away from Him, He couldn't just say "You know when I said I would destroy you if you sinned, well I guess I take it back. I don't really want to destory you..." No. Because He stated it, that is how it had to be. His word is reality.
Israel (and we, lumped in with them) had no hope, then. We, in effect, spit in the Creator's face...said we didn't really need Him. We made light of His great love. And what did He do?
He destroyed His own Son on the cross for us. He implemented a NEW COVENANT! He didn't break His own rules and do away with punishment. No- in an incredible show of His mercy AND justice, He poured out His wrath on Jesus, who lived a sinless life.
Hebrews 8:7-13 tells us the good news: "The time is coming, when I will make a new covenant with the house of Israel...it will not be like the covenant I made with their forefathers...because they did not remain faithful to my covenant, and I turned away from them. This is the covenant I will make with the house of Israel after that time (after they sin and break covenant)...I will put my law in their minds and write them on their hearts. I will be their God and they will be my people. No longer will a man teach his neighbor, or a man his brother saying 'Know the Lord,' because they will all know me, from the least of them to the greatest. For I will forgive their wickedness and will remember their sin no more."
Dang.
I read that first thing this morning and wept tears of gratitude. He knew we would sin...look at what He says "after that time"- and He exercises grace yet again to bring us near. We, who were condemned as "objects of wrath" (Eph. 2:3). Amazing. God's grace is truly amazing.
You know what I mean. We have certain words we use (most of the time around other believers or in a church-y setting) and overuse, to the point where we may forget to dwell on the meaning behind those words.
Covenant is one such word, for me at least.
I grew up in a Korean church called New Covenant Fellowship Church (NCFC)- shout out to my most faithful reader, my cousin Daniel, who is going strong there- and I remember that all of the older Korean men and women in the church referred to it simply as "Huellowship Gyoye" (which means Fellowship Church; the "f" sound is a hard for native Korean speakers to pronounce sometimes). So the word "covenant" was dropped (even the English speakers just referred to it as NCFC) and although I was familiar with the word, I never much thought about the word "covenant" which is a travesty because it is a word packed with rich meaning.
Now, I am not a theologian by profession so what follows may not be a super in-depth explanation of the idea of covenant, but it's what I have understood at this point in my life. I welcome any ideas/thoughts that you have on this topic.
So, covenant simply means an agreement between two parties. I am reading through material for my "covenant membership" class for the church I now attend, and it states that every human relationship apart from the parent-child relationship and coerced relationships (like one between a master and slave) are covenant relationships on some level. One party promises some good/service and the other agrees to offer something in exchange for it...now that sounds super "mercantilistic" (yes, I am aware that this may not be a real word) but, as a sociology major in college, I do understand that there is always a "give and take" in almost every human relationship. Even in our friendships, we see this. In exchange for your friendship, I will invest my time into continuing to get to know you, and you might call or write in order to ensure that I will keep up my end of the bargain. Now not all of these stipulatons are outlined in writing or even addressed outright, but covenant is usually marked and sealed by some external sign. Marriage is sealed by rings and a marriage license and a public declaration before witnesses. In middle school, my best friends and I wore half-heart necklaces that, when put together, read "Best Friends Forever" as an outward sign of our commitment to one another.
"Covenant" is first introduced in Genesis 3:15 when God promises that the serpent's head will be crushed; the consequences of Adam and Eve's sin will be dealt with by the coming Savior. We see it again when God makes an agreement with Abraham, He promises that He will make his name great and give him descendants that outnumber the sand on the shore or the stars in the sky.
I think of the covenant God made with Noah, and how he sealed it with the rainbow. A promise, a reminder if you will, to us- that whenever we see the rainbow up in the rainclouds we will think "ah, eventually this rain will let up. God has promised never to flood the earth completely again." How beautiful.
But there are not-so-beautiful aspects of covenent, namely, the breaking of it. You see, covenant relationships are binding agreements. They are not to be taken lightly, they are not to be broken ever. Neither party can fail to uphold their end of the covenant, without there being serious consequences.
God initiates a covenant with Israel in the Old Testament. Even though they do not seek Him like they ought (because they are unable to in their wickedness and sin) God promises grace to them. He will not destroy them. He will set apart a people for Himself. He gives them the sacrificial system by which the blood of animals will serve as a temporary hold-over for his wrath. In Deuteronomy, God promises blessing and His very presence and protection instead of curses if Israel will but obey God and serve Him alone as God. (Deut. 29:9-14, 30:16-20)
If you've grown up going to church, you know what happens. Israel turns away from God time and time again, just as we are so prone to do. We are the recipients of grace and divine love, but we squander what we've been given, we scorn God's mercy and turn aside to follow our own hearts. What Israel deserved for breaking covenant with a holy God was outlined in the Deuteronomy passage above: "...if your heart turns away and you are not obedient, and if you are drawn away to bow down before other gods and worship them, I declare to you this day that you will certainly be destroyed...(Deut. 30:27-18) What God says carries weight. He cannot lie, so we can be sure that anything He says is a promise. When Israel sinned by turning away from Him, He couldn't just say "You know when I said I would destroy you if you sinned, well I guess I take it back. I don't really want to destory you..." No. Because He stated it, that is how it had to be. His word is reality.
Israel (and we, lumped in with them) had no hope, then. We, in effect, spit in the Creator's face...said we didn't really need Him. We made light of His great love. And what did He do?
He destroyed His own Son on the cross for us. He implemented a NEW COVENANT! He didn't break His own rules and do away with punishment. No- in an incredible show of His mercy AND justice, He poured out His wrath on Jesus, who lived a sinless life.
Hebrews 8:7-13 tells us the good news: "The time is coming, when I will make a new covenant with the house of Israel...it will not be like the covenant I made with their forefathers...because they did not remain faithful to my covenant, and I turned away from them. This is the covenant I will make with the house of Israel after that time (after they sin and break covenant)...I will put my law in their minds and write them on their hearts. I will be their God and they will be my people. No longer will a man teach his neighbor, or a man his brother saying 'Know the Lord,' because they will all know me, from the least of them to the greatest. For I will forgive their wickedness and will remember their sin no more."
Dang.
I read that first thing this morning and wept tears of gratitude. He knew we would sin...look at what He says "after that time"- and He exercises grace yet again to bring us near. We, who were condemned as "objects of wrath" (Eph. 2:3). Amazing. God's grace is truly amazing.
Thursday, August 19, 2010
for when I am weak, then I am strong
I am fearful.
Fearful of the silliest things, really. Of not being liked, of being thought foolish or stupid, of being forgotten or left out... yes, I think those things are some of my top fears. But are they really that silly? Because they feel like such valid fears sometimes.
I know I am not supposed to be fearful, that perfect love is supposed to cast out all fear and that I am no longer rejected- God has accepted me in Christ. There are Bible verses galore that would support these ideas, but I am having trouble translating them into real life. You know, figuring out how these truths change the way I live and respond to situations.
I don't understand it- it's like I have this irksome need to be liked! If I sense that someone doesn't like me, it bothers me. I scramble for ways to make them like me, ways to make them accept me. But the problem is that not everyone likes me. And I'm not always likeable (especially when I am this needy for approval).
This behavior has begun to affect me at work. Because I sometimes feel uncomfortable around my co-workers, I am not always myself, and as a result, I begin to feel insecure, and unsure of whether they really "like" me. Not that it should matter. And yet, I crave their approval and feel a lack when I don't get it. Any desire to share the gospel subsides as I strive for them to like me. I can't confront their bad language...they'll think I'm a goody-two-shoe! When I make mistakes or am confronted about something I didn't do correctly, instead of handling it graciously, I act as if I am being victimized. And when things don't go my way...well, I get cranky. I'm not painting a very pretty picture of myself here, and really that's just as well, because it's a truer picture of myself than the image I often try to portray. The truth is, I am a small, selfish, fearful child.
And yet, I am promised that as I behold His glory, He is transforming me into His image. I am promised that if I just open my mouth, He will give me the words to say. And if I am faithful to share the Gospel, He is the one who will give the grace for someone to believe the truth I share with them. It's ultimately not about me. It never is, really. As Kevin DeYoung says, "Never underestimate the germinating power of the Word." All that is needed for God's Word to take root in someone's heart and produce fruit-bearing faith is God's Word. Not a smooth-talking, attractive, outgoing, well-dressed person. Not a killer personality or skillful public speaking skills. I'm so glad that my utter weakness does not disqualify me from sharing the Gospel!
It'd be a miracle if my co-workers even see a tiny speck of resemblance between me and my Jesus. I am so incredibly weak and self-centered. My heart grumbles like the Israelites did in the desert. Why did you bring me here, God? That I have the audacity to ask such questions is indicative of my unbelief. He has demonstrated His provision beautifully for me: a great home full of believers, a job right out of college, a solid church full of people who love the Lord...and I still struggle to believe that He is with me, that He is for me, that He is working in me and through me.
It's time to take my eyes off myself and turn my attention back to Jesus.
"Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has gone through the heavens, Jesus the son of God, let us hold firmly to the faith we profess. [notice we don't hold firm to our faith because we are awesome Christians, but because we have an awesome Savior] For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are- yet was without sin. [amazing...] Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need." -Hebrews 4:16
I don't know about you, but I am running towards that throne...
Fearful of the silliest things, really. Of not being liked, of being thought foolish or stupid, of being forgotten or left out... yes, I think those things are some of my top fears. But are they really that silly? Because they feel like such valid fears sometimes.
I know I am not supposed to be fearful, that perfect love is supposed to cast out all fear and that I am no longer rejected- God has accepted me in Christ. There are Bible verses galore that would support these ideas, but I am having trouble translating them into real life. You know, figuring out how these truths change the way I live and respond to situations.
I don't understand it- it's like I have this irksome need to be liked! If I sense that someone doesn't like me, it bothers me. I scramble for ways to make them like me, ways to make them accept me. But the problem is that not everyone likes me. And I'm not always likeable (especially when I am this needy for approval).
This behavior has begun to affect me at work. Because I sometimes feel uncomfortable around my co-workers, I am not always myself, and as a result, I begin to feel insecure, and unsure of whether they really "like" me. Not that it should matter. And yet, I crave their approval and feel a lack when I don't get it. Any desire to share the gospel subsides as I strive for them to like me. I can't confront their bad language...they'll think I'm a goody-two-shoe! When I make mistakes or am confronted about something I didn't do correctly, instead of handling it graciously, I act as if I am being victimized. And when things don't go my way...well, I get cranky. I'm not painting a very pretty picture of myself here, and really that's just as well, because it's a truer picture of myself than the image I often try to portray. The truth is, I am a small, selfish, fearful child.
And yet, I am promised that as I behold His glory, He is transforming me into His image. I am promised that if I just open my mouth, He will give me the words to say. And if I am faithful to share the Gospel, He is the one who will give the grace for someone to believe the truth I share with them. It's ultimately not about me. It never is, really. As Kevin DeYoung says, "Never underestimate the germinating power of the Word." All that is needed for God's Word to take root in someone's heart and produce fruit-bearing faith is God's Word. Not a smooth-talking, attractive, outgoing, well-dressed person. Not a killer personality or skillful public speaking skills. I'm so glad that my utter weakness does not disqualify me from sharing the Gospel!
It'd be a miracle if my co-workers even see a tiny speck of resemblance between me and my Jesus. I am so incredibly weak and self-centered. My heart grumbles like the Israelites did in the desert. Why did you bring me here, God? That I have the audacity to ask such questions is indicative of my unbelief. He has demonstrated His provision beautifully for me: a great home full of believers, a job right out of college, a solid church full of people who love the Lord...and I still struggle to believe that He is with me, that He is for me, that He is working in me and through me.
It's time to take my eyes off myself and turn my attention back to Jesus.
"Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has gone through the heavens, Jesus the son of God, let us hold firmly to the faith we profess. [notice we don't hold firm to our faith because we are awesome Christians, but because we have an awesome Savior] For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are- yet was without sin. [amazing...] Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need." -Hebrews 4:16
I don't know about you, but I am running towards that throne...
Sunday, August 8, 2010
dimly, as in a mirror
A song I heard for the first time at Next a few months ago starts out with these words:
"Lord, your children have not been spared
From this world's daily trials and cares
We know weakness, fear and sorrow, yet we're not alone..."
In a way, I do feel like I have been "spared". I admit I have not known many real trials. And I don't pretend that the difficulties I do face from time to time are anything compared to what my fellow brothers and sisters suffer daily in other areas of the world.
Most of my so-called trials happen as a result of my own sin. I relate to these lyrics though because I DO know weakness, fear, and sorrow- they've been some of my closest "friends". I am weak insofar as I am unable to desire God the way that I have been created to. Instead of living by faith, I so often am dictated by fear. And sorrow, of course, naturally follows. I see the sad effects of my own sin wreaking havoc on the world which God once called "good". I stand in the ranks of those who have been redeemed, yet I live here on the earth below- so very far from where I was meant to be.
I cried myself to sleep last night. I was reading a book about prayer... it was talking about how I was created for relationship with God, and suddenly I realized that despite the fact that the very notion of distance was banished at the cross (Ephesians 2:13, 18) I still can feel so very far from Him. I don't get to sit and talk to Him face-to-face like Moses did. I don't get to walk in the cool of the day with Him like Adam and Eve did before the Fall. Why? Because of my sin. Our sin. Sin!
I HATE IT.
I hate that apart from those rare and beautiful moments, I don't even know what it's like to just sit and TALK with Him. I can describe the doctrine of sonship to you, but I don't know what it's like to BE WITH my Father. Basically, I talk as if I have an intimate relationship with my Father, but I don't. "Theoretically, it is close. Practically, it is distant." It's that idea of "knowing about" vs. "knowing". I know a lot about God. I mean, and I love knowing about Him- I get to sit under some pretty awesome teaching about Him, and I rejoice at any opportunity to hear about Him, but sometimes, I just long to hear Him. There are moments, like last night, when the disconnect is so painful that I don't know quite what to do.
This morning at church, God answered me and brought me hope from this passage:
Revelation 21:1-5
Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and there was no longer any sea. I saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, "Now the dwelling place of God is with men, and He will live with them. They will be His people, and God Himself will be with them and be their God. He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away." He who was seated on the throne said, "I am making everything new!" Then He said, "Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true."
I have always marvelled at Christians who express their longing for Heaven. I can't say I have ever had a burning desire for Heaven- mostly because I have never been able to imagine it, wrap my understanding around it. It had actually been a source of shame for me, because, after all, what kind of Christian doesn't long for Heaven? But this morning, the reading of this passage literally made me ache for the day when God will come and fulfill His covenant promise at the marriage feast of the Lamb. I will see Him as He really is. My eyes will actually behold Him in all His fullness and I will finally be with Him forever, unhindered by sin or doubt or worry or fear or anything at all. Even our broken relationships with one another within the body of Christ (the result of sin) will be restored! All the pain we feel from being separated from God and one another...that is part of the old order. There is a new order coming. Sin and all of its effects will eventually cease to exist! God is preparing a bride, spotless and without wrinkle, to present to the Lamb: the reward of His suffering!
When I feel distant from God, I can be reminded that one day I will be with Him in His presence forever! But in the meanwhile there is still hope: Exodus 15:13 says "In Your unfailing love You will lead the people You have redeemed. In Your strength You will guide them to Your holy dwelling." Even as we sojourn here on earth, He promises to walk beside us. He has not promised to withhold pain, trial, death, or hardship from us. Those are the means of sanctification. But He has promised to guide us and lead us until we reach our final dwelling place.
So while we are here on earth we see dimly, and we shall know in part. But I pray that He would hasten the day when we will see Him not in glimpses or traces but in fullness of glory and splendor!
"Lord, your children have not been spared
From this world's daily trials and cares
We know weakness, fear and sorrow, yet we're not alone..."
In a way, I do feel like I have been "spared". I admit I have not known many real trials. And I don't pretend that the difficulties I do face from time to time are anything compared to what my fellow brothers and sisters suffer daily in other areas of the world.
Most of my so-called trials happen as a result of my own sin. I relate to these lyrics though because I DO know weakness, fear, and sorrow- they've been some of my closest "friends". I am weak insofar as I am unable to desire God the way that I have been created to. Instead of living by faith, I so often am dictated by fear. And sorrow, of course, naturally follows. I see the sad effects of my own sin wreaking havoc on the world which God once called "good". I stand in the ranks of those who have been redeemed, yet I live here on the earth below- so very far from where I was meant to be.
I cried myself to sleep last night. I was reading a book about prayer... it was talking about how I was created for relationship with God, and suddenly I realized that despite the fact that the very notion of distance was banished at the cross (Ephesians 2:13, 18) I still can feel so very far from Him. I don't get to sit and talk to Him face-to-face like Moses did. I don't get to walk in the cool of the day with Him like Adam and Eve did before the Fall. Why? Because of my sin. Our sin. Sin!
I HATE IT.
I hate that apart from those rare and beautiful moments, I don't even know what it's like to just sit and TALK with Him. I can describe the doctrine of sonship to you, but I don't know what it's like to BE WITH my Father. Basically, I talk as if I have an intimate relationship with my Father, but I don't. "Theoretically, it is close. Practically, it is distant." It's that idea of "knowing about" vs. "knowing". I know a lot about God. I mean, and I love knowing about Him- I get to sit under some pretty awesome teaching about Him, and I rejoice at any opportunity to hear about Him, but sometimes, I just long to hear Him. There are moments, like last night, when the disconnect is so painful that I don't know quite what to do.
This morning at church, God answered me and brought me hope from this passage:
Revelation 21:1-5
Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and there was no longer any sea. I saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, "Now the dwelling place of God is with men, and He will live with them. They will be His people, and God Himself will be with them and be their God. He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away." He who was seated on the throne said, "I am making everything new!" Then He said, "Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true."
I have always marvelled at Christians who express their longing for Heaven. I can't say I have ever had a burning desire for Heaven- mostly because I have never been able to imagine it, wrap my understanding around it. It had actually been a source of shame for me, because, after all, what kind of Christian doesn't long for Heaven? But this morning, the reading of this passage literally made me ache for the day when God will come and fulfill His covenant promise at the marriage feast of the Lamb. I will see Him as He really is. My eyes will actually behold Him in all His fullness and I will finally be with Him forever, unhindered by sin or doubt or worry or fear or anything at all. Even our broken relationships with one another within the body of Christ (the result of sin) will be restored! All the pain we feel from being separated from God and one another...that is part of the old order. There is a new order coming. Sin and all of its effects will eventually cease to exist! God is preparing a bride, spotless and without wrinkle, to present to the Lamb: the reward of His suffering!
When I feel distant from God, I can be reminded that one day I will be with Him in His presence forever! But in the meanwhile there is still hope: Exodus 15:13 says "In Your unfailing love You will lead the people You have redeemed. In Your strength You will guide them to Your holy dwelling." Even as we sojourn here on earth, He promises to walk beside us. He has not promised to withhold pain, trial, death, or hardship from us. Those are the means of sanctification. But He has promised to guide us and lead us until we reach our final dwelling place.
So while we are here on earth we see dimly, and we shall know in part. But I pray that He would hasten the day when we will see Him not in glimpses or traces but in fullness of glory and splendor!
Thursday, August 5, 2010
trodding
I think the honeymoon phase may be over.
Yesterday I woke up dreading going to work, forgot to pack myself a lunch (and it was too late by the time I realized it) and had to spend money at a bodega. (Is it terrible if I think the guy there purposefully overcharges me for my sandwich because I'm dressed in "business casual"?) I almost cried after spending nearly an hour filling out a public assistance form with a man who it turns out was going to lie about where he lived so that he might obtain money from the government. Later the same day, I fell while running up (yes, up) the stairs and fought back tears (and swear words) as I watched a nice bruise appear on my left shin.
It's times like this when I am comforted by the fact that God never changes. He is still good, He still loves me, and I am still His...those things will never change because they are realities that exist outside of time- outside of my little life here on earth. And so I trod on, because He who has called me is faithful and He will do it. He will finish what He's started.
Yesterday I woke up dreading going to work, forgot to pack myself a lunch (and it was too late by the time I realized it) and had to spend money at a bodega. (Is it terrible if I think the guy there purposefully overcharges me for my sandwich because I'm dressed in "business casual"?) I almost cried after spending nearly an hour filling out a public assistance form with a man who it turns out was going to lie about where he lived so that he might obtain money from the government. Later the same day, I fell while running up (yes, up) the stairs and fought back tears (and swear words) as I watched a nice bruise appear on my left shin.
It's times like this when I am comforted by the fact that God never changes. He is still good, He still loves me, and I am still His...those things will never change because they are realities that exist outside of time- outside of my little life here on earth. And so I trod on, because He who has called me is faithful and He will do it. He will finish what He's started.
Friday, July 30, 2010
so very thankful
I want to take a minute to say that I am filled with gratitude when I reflect upon my life right now and how God has directed me and brought me to this place. To the Bronx, to this meaningful job, and to this community of believers. I read this morning from Heart Aflame (a devotional based on the book of Psalms and Calvin's commentaries on the Psalms) that when we, as believers, see God's hand of goodness in our lives, the proper response is to be overjoyed and to let praise spill out of us. I don't do that often enough. My guess is that it's not always second nature to us. But it's so good to remind ourselves of the faithfulness of God in our lives. Doing so serves to establish more firmly in our distracted minds the fact that God is good and that He is for us. It diminishes the negative things we encounter on a day-to-day basis by stirring up hope and faith inside.
Wednesday night, I had the chance to go on a walk out in the middle of nowhere in Rapidan, VA with my friend Laura (who drove 40 minutes both ways to come see me). Her visit was like a breath of fresh air amidst what had been a very lonely few days of work training. We talked about God, we prayed, we reminisced on the ways He had been good to us during the few weeks we had together living in Naomi's house. All we could hear as we sat by the side of the road was crickets and the occasional frog. No lights, no other sounds, no human beings anywhere near us. And I was blown away by the simple beauty of that moment and the nearness of His presence with us, His daughters.
So here is my list of things for which I am thankful:
I am thankful for friends, for times of prayer and recalling glimpses of God's hand in our lives.
I am thankful for my parents, for the chance to see them again this past weekend, for how much they love me and each other, for their generous hearts and the ways they make me laugh.
I am thankful for a job in which I can help people who are struggling to get by, network with similar organizations, and have my eyes opened to the fact that not everyone has had it as good as I have.
I am thankful for M&Ms I found this morning that I left in my desk last Thursday because now I can snack on them.
I am thankful for cooler weather and relief from the heat.
I am thankful for Lisa coming to pick me up from downtown Manhattan last night so that I didn't have to take the subway carrying all my luggage, as well as the chance to talk to her about working in a secular environment.
I am thankful for lunch breaks!
Now what are YOU thankful for?
Wednesday night, I had the chance to go on a walk out in the middle of nowhere in Rapidan, VA with my friend Laura (who drove 40 minutes both ways to come see me). Her visit was like a breath of fresh air amidst what had been a very lonely few days of work training. We talked about God, we prayed, we reminisced on the ways He had been good to us during the few weeks we had together living in Naomi's house. All we could hear as we sat by the side of the road was crickets and the occasional frog. No lights, no other sounds, no human beings anywhere near us. And I was blown away by the simple beauty of that moment and the nearness of His presence with us, His daughters.
So here is my list of things for which I am thankful:
I am thankful for friends, for times of prayer and recalling glimpses of God's hand in our lives.
I am thankful for my parents, for the chance to see them again this past weekend, for how much they love me and each other, for their generous hearts and the ways they make me laugh.
I am thankful for a job in which I can help people who are struggling to get by, network with similar organizations, and have my eyes opened to the fact that not everyone has had it as good as I have.
I am thankful for M&Ms I found this morning that I left in my desk last Thursday because now I can snack on them.
I am thankful for cooler weather and relief from the heat.
I am thankful for Lisa coming to pick me up from downtown Manhattan last night so that I didn't have to take the subway carrying all my luggage, as well as the chance to talk to her about working in a secular environment.
I am thankful for lunch breaks!
Now what are YOU thankful for?
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
pickles and perspective
I came home yesterday from work absolutely tired and drained and in need of spiritual nourishment and encouragement. Not to sound too "Grove City"-ish but I'm starting to realize just how different (and incompatible) my worldview is with some of the people I work with. It's hard to be in an environment where the truth isn't valued (or even acknowledged as a real "thing")...where it's all about padding it or watering it down to soften the blow. If the truth is going to offend, then it's better not to say it at all. On the other hand, it's fine to say false things as long as you are "building the client's self esteem".
I told a young man yesterday in a client meeting that he was "in a pickle" (which he absolutely was)and later the employee who was shadowing me reprimanded me for not staying positive and using the "strengths-based model" of social work. I find myself mentally running into God's presence throughout the day as I work, begging for His joy and strength and grace. I feel like I'm going crazy sometimes because I am the only one who sees things the way I see them...for example if you need a driver's license in order to get a job but can't leave NYC to cross the border into New Jersey to take your driving test because your parole officer won't let you leave the city...you, my friend, are in a pickle. And I want to be able to tell you that. I want you to realize how sorry your state is, because maybe JUST MAYBE the way you've been doing things in the past HASN'T worked out for you. And maybe it's time for a change.
I spoke with one of my roommates yesterday and our conversation brought so much joy and life into my situation. I am grateful that though my job is difficult I get to come home to a house full of people who love the truth and point me to Jesus.
Last night, I read this in a book and want to share it here because it is just that good:
"More than anything else I could ever do, the gospel enables me to embrace my tribulations and thereby position myself to gain full benefit from them. For the gospel is the one great permanent circumstance in which I live and move; and every hardship in my life is allowed by God only because it serves His gospel purposes in me. When I view my circumstances in this light, I realize that the gospel is not just one piece of good news that fits into my life somewhere among all the bad. I realize instead that the gospel makes genuinely good news out of every other aspect of my life, including my severest trials. The good news about my trials is that God is forcing them to bow to His gospel purposes and do good unto me by improving my character and making me more conformed to the image of Christ... I can then embrace my trials as friends and allow them to do God's good work in me." (p. 31-32, "A Gospel Primer for Christians" by Milton Vincent)
I have already begun to see the good that God is working in me through the frustrations I encounter at work. My thoughts, instead of wandering away from the Lord as they are so prone to do, run desperately to Him. The weariness I feel causes me to lean all the more on Him. And the lack of sympathetic co-workers at work makes the fellowship I have at home even sweeter.
I told a young man yesterday in a client meeting that he was "in a pickle" (which he absolutely was)and later the employee who was shadowing me reprimanded me for not staying positive and using the "strengths-based model" of social work. I find myself mentally running into God's presence throughout the day as I work, begging for His joy and strength and grace. I feel like I'm going crazy sometimes because I am the only one who sees things the way I see them...for example if you need a driver's license in order to get a job but can't leave NYC to cross the border into New Jersey to take your driving test because your parole officer won't let you leave the city...you, my friend, are in a pickle. And I want to be able to tell you that. I want you to realize how sorry your state is, because maybe JUST MAYBE the way you've been doing things in the past HASN'T worked out for you. And maybe it's time for a change.
I spoke with one of my roommates yesterday and our conversation brought so much joy and life into my situation. I am grateful that though my job is difficult I get to come home to a house full of people who love the truth and point me to Jesus.
Last night, I read this in a book and want to share it here because it is just that good:
"More than anything else I could ever do, the gospel enables me to embrace my tribulations and thereby position myself to gain full benefit from them. For the gospel is the one great permanent circumstance in which I live and move; and every hardship in my life is allowed by God only because it serves His gospel purposes in me. When I view my circumstances in this light, I realize that the gospel is not just one piece of good news that fits into my life somewhere among all the bad. I realize instead that the gospel makes genuinely good news out of every other aspect of my life, including my severest trials. The good news about my trials is that God is forcing them to bow to His gospel purposes and do good unto me by improving my character and making me more conformed to the image of Christ... I can then embrace my trials as friends and allow them to do God's good work in me." (p. 31-32, "A Gospel Primer for Christians" by Milton Vincent)
I have already begun to see the good that God is working in me through the frustrations I encounter at work. My thoughts, instead of wandering away from the Lord as they are so prone to do, run desperately to Him. The weariness I feel causes me to lean all the more on Him. And the lack of sympathetic co-workers at work makes the fellowship I have at home even sweeter.
Sunday, July 18, 2010
speaking of sovereignty...
Today one of the ladies from church invited me to come along with her to NJ to go shopping at Han Ah Reum, a Korean grocery store. I had been wanting to buy kimchi, so it was perfect. But being in a Korean store, surrounded by other Korean people made me really miss my mom, so I called her while I was there, to see if she could offer some advice on which kimchi was the best kind to buy. Turns out she had just read my blog and found it really encouraging (which I was happy to hear). She told me how comforting God's sovereignty has been for her as she has watched me grow up and leave home to move to the Bronx. At first she had been really upset about my moving to New York, especially since this area of the Bronx isn't exactly known for being safe. "But", she said cheerfully, "I realized something. If it is God's will for you to be killed...then you are going to be killed no matter WHERE you go!"
There you have it. I couldn't have said it better myself. Thanks, Mom :)
There you have it. I couldn't have said it better myself. Thanks, Mom :)
Friday, July 16, 2010
light on the subway
Yesterday my work sent me to a meeting in Manhattan, so that meant a long subway ride back and forth from the Bronx. I picked up a little booklet at my friend Lauren Tiller's church a few weeks back entitled "The Sanity of Sovereignty" and got to read a few chapters of it during my commute. It basically talks about how having faith in God's sovereignty allows us to live in freedom- whether we encounter joys or pain, blessing or hardship. The author, Nate Atwood, relates the stories of people he knows personally, who have lost a child or battled cancer, illustrating his point that even when bad things happen, God is not only in control, but He is good.
Nate writes, "...we know that nothing touches us that God does not allow..." I jotted down this little revelation, and I know its truth will sustain me for the rest of my life: "Nothing touches me that God does not allow, and His purpose in everything is to make me more like Christ. This is for my good and to His glory." God is after His own glory...and yet He promises that "all things work together for the good of those who love Him"!
Even when we don't understand why. Even then He is working it out for His glory and for our good!
"Rejoice in the Lord/He makes no mistake/He knoweth the end/Of each path I take/And when I am tried/And purified/I shall come forth as gold."
Nate writes, "...we know that nothing touches us that God does not allow..." I jotted down this little revelation, and I know its truth will sustain me for the rest of my life: "Nothing touches me that God does not allow, and His purpose in everything is to make me more like Christ. This is for my good and to His glory." God is after His own glory...and yet He promises that "all things work together for the good of those who love Him"!
Even when we don't understand why. Even then He is working it out for His glory and for our good!
"Rejoice in the Lord/He makes no mistake/He knoweth the end/Of each path I take/And when I am tried/And purified/I shall come forth as gold."
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