dimly, as in a mirror

A song I heard for the first time at Next a few months ago starts out with these words:

"Lord, your children have not been spared
From this world's daily trials and cares
We know weakness, fear and sorrow, yet we're not alone..."

In a way, I do feel like I have been "spared". I admit I have not known many real trials. And I don't pretend that the difficulties I do face from time to time are anything compared to what my fellow brothers and sisters suffer daily in other areas of the world.

Most of my so-called trials happen as a result of my own sin. I relate to these lyrics though because I DO know weakness, fear, and sorrow- they've been some of my closest "friends". I am weak insofar as I am unable to desire God the way that I have been created to. Instead of living by faith, I so often am dictated by fear. And sorrow, of course, naturally follows. I see the sad effects of my own sin wreaking havoc on the world which God once called "good". I stand in the ranks of those who have been redeemed, yet I live here on the earth below- so very far from where I was meant to be.

I cried myself to sleep last night. I was reading a book about prayer... it was talking about how I was created for relationship with God, and suddenly I realized that despite the fact that the very notion of distance was banished at the cross (Ephesians 2:13, 18) I still can feel so very far from Him. I don't get to sit and talk to Him face-to-face like Moses did. I don't get to walk in the cool of the day with Him like Adam and Eve did before the Fall. Why? Because of my sin. Our sin. Sin!

I HATE IT.

I hate that apart from those rare and beautiful moments, I don't even know what it's like to just sit and TALK with Him. I can describe the doctrine of sonship to you, but I don't know what it's like to BE WITH my Father. Basically, I talk as if I have an intimate relationship with my Father, but I don't. "Theoretically, it is close. Practically, it is distant." It's that idea of "knowing about" vs. "knowing". I know a lot about God. I mean, and I love knowing about Him- I get to sit under some pretty awesome teaching about Him, and I rejoice at any opportunity to hear about Him, but sometimes, I just long to hear Him. There are moments, like last night, when the disconnect is so painful that I don't know quite what to do.

This morning at church, God answered me and brought me hope from this passage:

Revelation 21:1-5
Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and there was no longer any sea. I saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, "Now the dwelling place of God is with men, and He will live with them. They will be His people, and God Himself will be with them and be their God. He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away." He who was seated on the throne said, "I am making everything new!" Then He said, "Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true."

I have always marvelled at Christians who express their longing for Heaven. I can't say I have ever had a burning desire for Heaven- mostly because I have never been able to imagine it, wrap my understanding around it. It had actually been a source of shame for me, because, after all, what kind of Christian doesn't long for Heaven? But this morning, the reading of this passage literally made me ache for the day when God will come and fulfill His covenant promise at the marriage feast of the Lamb. I will see Him as He really is. My eyes will actually behold Him in all His fullness and I will finally be with Him forever, unhindered by sin or doubt or worry or fear or anything at all. Even our broken relationships with one another within the body of Christ (the result of sin) will be restored! All the pain we feel from being separated from God and one another...that is part of the old order. There is a new order coming. Sin and all of its effects will eventually cease to exist! God is preparing a bride, spotless and without wrinkle, to present to the Lamb: the reward of His suffering!

When I feel distant from God, I can be reminded that one day I will be with Him in His presence forever! But in the meanwhile there is still hope: Exodus 15:13 says "In Your unfailing love You will lead the people You have redeemed. In Your strength You will guide them to Your holy dwelling." Even as we sojourn here on earth, He promises to walk beside us. He has not promised to withhold pain, trial, death, or hardship from us. Those are the means of sanctification. But He has promised to guide us and lead us until we reach our final dwelling place.

So while we are here on earth we see dimly, and we shall know in part. But I pray that He would hasten the day when we will see Him not in glimpses or traces but in fullness of glory and splendor!