it's Tuesday.

Today was another long day of training downtown near Wall Street. It was an hour commute one way, and I woke up only half an hour before I had to leave the house at 8:30 this morning, which meant a lot of rushing around and no time to even crack open my Bible or drink any coffee before work. Coffee was provided for us on site once we arrived at the Food Bank's headquarters, but there was no time throughout the day to set aside specifically for reading the Word or pondering God.

Looking back through the day, it didn't feel very spiritual. I sat on the subway for two hours alternating between feelings of tiredness and discomfort (being squashed between two big men). I sat through six hours of training on eligibility requirements for food stamp applications. I came home and baked cookies with my roommates' five-year-old cousin, had dinner, contemplated going for a run (but didn't because it got dark fast, and rained again), and then sat down with Emily to watch an episode of Everybody Loves Raymond. Other than reading "A Praying Life" for a bit on the train ride home, I didn't actively try very hard to draw near to God today.

Ordinarily, I would get down on myself about this and begin to distance myself intentionally from Him. I used to expect Him to treat me like I treat people when they ignore me or avoid me for some time. I thought that maybe He was hurt and harboring feelings of bitterness against me for not making time in my day for Him. I thought maybe He won't draw near to me today, because I have not drawn near to Him. And maybe He'll be kinda cold towards me for a few days...until I have learned my lesson.

Thank God He's not like me! Not only is He not like me, but our relationship does not all ride on me! I think one of the greatest passages in the Bible is Philippians 1:6 "...being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus."

I used to think that unless I was constantly fasting, praying, worshipping, etc. that my relationship with God would go down the tubes. In fact, I grew up being told "you are as close to God as you want to be!" Which was horrible news most of the time because I hardly ever really wanted to be close to Him. If only I could be passionate enough or sold out enough...THEN He would love me and then I could be a "good" Christian, one who was happy all the time, spouting off Scripture, and leading hundreds of people to Christ every day.

The longer I am a Christian, the more I recognize and lean on God's faithfulness to me! I realize it's not about how faithful I am to Him! I can't always be as passionate as I should be about Him. I am weak, and I fail. If this whole Christian walk were up to me, I would have derailed years ago. But God, in His grace, has kept me all these years. He sustains me, He keeps His promise: He will continue what He has started in me. So even when I have days where it feels as if I have lost sight of what's important, I can rest in the fact that my Father's got me. He hasn't forgotten about me or brushed me aside until I can get my act together. No, He is orchestrating the events of my life, ordaining my every step, using all that happens to me to sanctify me and glorfiy Himself in my life- even the most ordinary days.