I don't know whether it's getting quieter out here or whether I am adjusting to the noise, but lately I have been sleeping like a baby. I think I woke up this morning in the exact same position I fell asleep in last night. I don't recall hearing any sirens or car alarms...
And right now, all I hear outside my window (other than the distant droning of an airplane) is the chirping of birds!
Aaaand, I just discovered that the cathedral on the corner of my street chimes the hour!
Hmmm...the only explanation is that sometime between the time I drifted off to sleep last night and this morning, I must've been transported back to Grove City.
Friday, August 27, 2010
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
it's Tuesday.
Today was another long day of training downtown near Wall Street. It was an hour commute one way, and I woke up only half an hour before I had to leave the house at 8:30 this morning, which meant a lot of rushing around and no time to even crack open my Bible or drink any coffee before work. Coffee was provided for us on site once we arrived at the Food Bank's headquarters, but there was no time throughout the day to set aside specifically for reading the Word or pondering God.
Looking back through the day, it didn't feel very spiritual. I sat on the subway for two hours alternating between feelings of tiredness and discomfort (being squashed between two big men). I sat through six hours of training on eligibility requirements for food stamp applications. I came home and baked cookies with my roommates' five-year-old cousin, had dinner, contemplated going for a run (but didn't because it got dark fast, and rained again), and then sat down with Emily to watch an episode of Everybody Loves Raymond. Other than reading "A Praying Life" for a bit on the train ride home, I didn't actively try very hard to draw near to God today.
Ordinarily, I would get down on myself about this and begin to distance myself intentionally from Him. I used to expect Him to treat me like I treat people when they ignore me or avoid me for some time. I thought that maybe He was hurt and harboring feelings of bitterness against me for not making time in my day for Him. I thought maybe He won't draw near to me today, because I have not drawn near to Him. And maybe He'll be kinda cold towards me for a few days...until I have learned my lesson.
Thank God He's not like me! Not only is He not like me, but our relationship does not all ride on me! I think one of the greatest passages in the Bible is Philippians 1:6 "...being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus."
I used to think that unless I was constantly fasting, praying, worshipping, etc. that my relationship with God would go down the tubes. In fact, I grew up being told "you are as close to God as you want to be!" Which was horrible news most of the time because I hardly ever really wanted to be close to Him. If only I could be passionate enough or sold out enough...THEN He would love me and then I could be a "good" Christian, one who was happy all the time, spouting off Scripture, and leading hundreds of people to Christ every day.
The longer I am a Christian, the more I recognize and lean on God's faithfulness to me! I realize it's not about how faithful I am to Him! I can't always be as passionate as I should be about Him. I am weak, and I fail. If this whole Christian walk were up to me, I would have derailed years ago. But God, in His grace, has kept me all these years. He sustains me, He keeps His promise: He will continue what He has started in me. So even when I have days where it feels as if I have lost sight of what's important, I can rest in the fact that my Father's got me. He hasn't forgotten about me or brushed me aside until I can get my act together. No, He is orchestrating the events of my life, ordaining my every step, using all that happens to me to sanctify me and glorfiy Himself in my life- even the most ordinary days.
Looking back through the day, it didn't feel very spiritual. I sat on the subway for two hours alternating between feelings of tiredness and discomfort (being squashed between two big men). I sat through six hours of training on eligibility requirements for food stamp applications. I came home and baked cookies with my roommates' five-year-old cousin, had dinner, contemplated going for a run (but didn't because it got dark fast, and rained again), and then sat down with Emily to watch an episode of Everybody Loves Raymond. Other than reading "A Praying Life" for a bit on the train ride home, I didn't actively try very hard to draw near to God today.
Ordinarily, I would get down on myself about this and begin to distance myself intentionally from Him. I used to expect Him to treat me like I treat people when they ignore me or avoid me for some time. I thought that maybe He was hurt and harboring feelings of bitterness against me for not making time in my day for Him. I thought maybe He won't draw near to me today, because I have not drawn near to Him. And maybe He'll be kinda cold towards me for a few days...until I have learned my lesson.
Thank God He's not like me! Not only is He not like me, but our relationship does not all ride on me! I think one of the greatest passages in the Bible is Philippians 1:6 "...being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus."
I used to think that unless I was constantly fasting, praying, worshipping, etc. that my relationship with God would go down the tubes. In fact, I grew up being told "you are as close to God as you want to be!" Which was horrible news most of the time because I hardly ever really wanted to be close to Him. If only I could be passionate enough or sold out enough...THEN He would love me and then I could be a "good" Christian, one who was happy all the time, spouting off Scripture, and leading hundreds of people to Christ every day.
The longer I am a Christian, the more I recognize and lean on God's faithfulness to me! I realize it's not about how faithful I am to Him! I can't always be as passionate as I should be about Him. I am weak, and I fail. If this whole Christian walk were up to me, I would have derailed years ago. But God, in His grace, has kept me all these years. He sustains me, He keeps His promise: He will continue what He has started in me. So even when I have days where it feels as if I have lost sight of what's important, I can rest in the fact that my Father's got me. He hasn't forgotten about me or brushed me aside until I can get my act together. No, He is orchestrating the events of my life, ordaining my every step, using all that happens to me to sanctify me and glorfiy Himself in my life- even the most ordinary days.
Monday, August 23, 2010
covenant
Christians tend to throw words around.
You know what I mean. We have certain words we use (most of the time around other believers or in a church-y setting) and overuse, to the point where we may forget to dwell on the meaning behind those words.
Covenant is one such word, for me at least.
I grew up in a Korean church called New Covenant Fellowship Church (NCFC)- shout out to my most faithful reader, my cousin Daniel, who is going strong there- and I remember that all of the older Korean men and women in the church referred to it simply as "Huellowship Gyoye" (which means Fellowship Church; the "f" sound is a hard for native Korean speakers to pronounce sometimes). So the word "covenant" was dropped (even the English speakers just referred to it as NCFC) and although I was familiar with the word, I never much thought about the word "covenant" which is a travesty because it is a word packed with rich meaning.
Now, I am not a theologian by profession so what follows may not be a super in-depth explanation of the idea of covenant, but it's what I have understood at this point in my life. I welcome any ideas/thoughts that you have on this topic.
So, covenant simply means an agreement between two parties. I am reading through material for my "covenant membership" class for the church I now attend, and it states that every human relationship apart from the parent-child relationship and coerced relationships (like one between a master and slave) are covenant relationships on some level. One party promises some good/service and the other agrees to offer something in exchange for it...now that sounds super "mercantilistic" (yes, I am aware that this may not be a real word) but, as a sociology major in college, I do understand that there is always a "give and take" in almost every human relationship. Even in our friendships, we see this. In exchange for your friendship, I will invest my time into continuing to get to know you, and you might call or write in order to ensure that I will keep up my end of the bargain. Now not all of these stipulatons are outlined in writing or even addressed outright, but covenant is usually marked and sealed by some external sign. Marriage is sealed by rings and a marriage license and a public declaration before witnesses. In middle school, my best friends and I wore half-heart necklaces that, when put together, read "Best Friends Forever" as an outward sign of our commitment to one another.
"Covenant" is first introduced in Genesis 3:15 when God promises that the serpent's head will be crushed; the consequences of Adam and Eve's sin will be dealt with by the coming Savior. We see it again when God makes an agreement with Abraham, He promises that He will make his name great and give him descendants that outnumber the sand on the shore or the stars in the sky.
I think of the covenant God made with Noah, and how he sealed it with the rainbow. A promise, a reminder if you will, to us- that whenever we see the rainbow up in the rainclouds we will think "ah, eventually this rain will let up. God has promised never to flood the earth completely again." How beautiful.
But there are not-so-beautiful aspects of covenent, namely, the breaking of it. You see, covenant relationships are binding agreements. They are not to be taken lightly, they are not to be broken ever. Neither party can fail to uphold their end of the covenant, without there being serious consequences.
God initiates a covenant with Israel in the Old Testament. Even though they do not seek Him like they ought (because they are unable to in their wickedness and sin) God promises grace to them. He will not destroy them. He will set apart a people for Himself. He gives them the sacrificial system by which the blood of animals will serve as a temporary hold-over for his wrath. In Deuteronomy, God promises blessing and His very presence and protection instead of curses if Israel will but obey God and serve Him alone as God. (Deut. 29:9-14, 30:16-20)
If you've grown up going to church, you know what happens. Israel turns away from God time and time again, just as we are so prone to do. We are the recipients of grace and divine love, but we squander what we've been given, we scorn God's mercy and turn aside to follow our own hearts. What Israel deserved for breaking covenant with a holy God was outlined in the Deuteronomy passage above: "...if your heart turns away and you are not obedient, and if you are drawn away to bow down before other gods and worship them, I declare to you this day that you will certainly be destroyed...(Deut. 30:27-18) What God says carries weight. He cannot lie, so we can be sure that anything He says is a promise. When Israel sinned by turning away from Him, He couldn't just say "You know when I said I would destroy you if you sinned, well I guess I take it back. I don't really want to destory you..." No. Because He stated it, that is how it had to be. His word is reality.
Israel (and we, lumped in with them) had no hope, then. We, in effect, spit in the Creator's face...said we didn't really need Him. We made light of His great love. And what did He do?
He destroyed His own Son on the cross for us. He implemented a NEW COVENANT! He didn't break His own rules and do away with punishment. No- in an incredible show of His mercy AND justice, He poured out His wrath on Jesus, who lived a sinless life.
Hebrews 8:7-13 tells us the good news: "The time is coming, when I will make a new covenant with the house of Israel...it will not be like the covenant I made with their forefathers...because they did not remain faithful to my covenant, and I turned away from them. This is the covenant I will make with the house of Israel after that time (after they sin and break covenant)...I will put my law in their minds and write them on their hearts. I will be their God and they will be my people. No longer will a man teach his neighbor, or a man his brother saying 'Know the Lord,' because they will all know me, from the least of them to the greatest. For I will forgive their wickedness and will remember their sin no more."
Dang.
I read that first thing this morning and wept tears of gratitude. He knew we would sin...look at what He says "after that time"- and He exercises grace yet again to bring us near. We, who were condemned as "objects of wrath" (Eph. 2:3). Amazing. God's grace is truly amazing.
You know what I mean. We have certain words we use (most of the time around other believers or in a church-y setting) and overuse, to the point where we may forget to dwell on the meaning behind those words.
Covenant is one such word, for me at least.
I grew up in a Korean church called New Covenant Fellowship Church (NCFC)- shout out to my most faithful reader, my cousin Daniel, who is going strong there- and I remember that all of the older Korean men and women in the church referred to it simply as "Huellowship Gyoye" (which means Fellowship Church; the "f" sound is a hard for native Korean speakers to pronounce sometimes). So the word "covenant" was dropped (even the English speakers just referred to it as NCFC) and although I was familiar with the word, I never much thought about the word "covenant" which is a travesty because it is a word packed with rich meaning.
Now, I am not a theologian by profession so what follows may not be a super in-depth explanation of the idea of covenant, but it's what I have understood at this point in my life. I welcome any ideas/thoughts that you have on this topic.
So, covenant simply means an agreement between two parties. I am reading through material for my "covenant membership" class for the church I now attend, and it states that every human relationship apart from the parent-child relationship and coerced relationships (like one between a master and slave) are covenant relationships on some level. One party promises some good/service and the other agrees to offer something in exchange for it...now that sounds super "mercantilistic" (yes, I am aware that this may not be a real word) but, as a sociology major in college, I do understand that there is always a "give and take" in almost every human relationship. Even in our friendships, we see this. In exchange for your friendship, I will invest my time into continuing to get to know you, and you might call or write in order to ensure that I will keep up my end of the bargain. Now not all of these stipulatons are outlined in writing or even addressed outright, but covenant is usually marked and sealed by some external sign. Marriage is sealed by rings and a marriage license and a public declaration before witnesses. In middle school, my best friends and I wore half-heart necklaces that, when put together, read "Best Friends Forever" as an outward sign of our commitment to one another.
"Covenant" is first introduced in Genesis 3:15 when God promises that the serpent's head will be crushed; the consequences of Adam and Eve's sin will be dealt with by the coming Savior. We see it again when God makes an agreement with Abraham, He promises that He will make his name great and give him descendants that outnumber the sand on the shore or the stars in the sky.
I think of the covenant God made with Noah, and how he sealed it with the rainbow. A promise, a reminder if you will, to us- that whenever we see the rainbow up in the rainclouds we will think "ah, eventually this rain will let up. God has promised never to flood the earth completely again." How beautiful.
But there are not-so-beautiful aspects of covenent, namely, the breaking of it. You see, covenant relationships are binding agreements. They are not to be taken lightly, they are not to be broken ever. Neither party can fail to uphold their end of the covenant, without there being serious consequences.
God initiates a covenant with Israel in the Old Testament. Even though they do not seek Him like they ought (because they are unable to in their wickedness and sin) God promises grace to them. He will not destroy them. He will set apart a people for Himself. He gives them the sacrificial system by which the blood of animals will serve as a temporary hold-over for his wrath. In Deuteronomy, God promises blessing and His very presence and protection instead of curses if Israel will but obey God and serve Him alone as God. (Deut. 29:9-14, 30:16-20)
If you've grown up going to church, you know what happens. Israel turns away from God time and time again, just as we are so prone to do. We are the recipients of grace and divine love, but we squander what we've been given, we scorn God's mercy and turn aside to follow our own hearts. What Israel deserved for breaking covenant with a holy God was outlined in the Deuteronomy passage above: "...if your heart turns away and you are not obedient, and if you are drawn away to bow down before other gods and worship them, I declare to you this day that you will certainly be destroyed...(Deut. 30:27-18) What God says carries weight. He cannot lie, so we can be sure that anything He says is a promise. When Israel sinned by turning away from Him, He couldn't just say "You know when I said I would destroy you if you sinned, well I guess I take it back. I don't really want to destory you..." No. Because He stated it, that is how it had to be. His word is reality.
Israel (and we, lumped in with them) had no hope, then. We, in effect, spit in the Creator's face...said we didn't really need Him. We made light of His great love. And what did He do?
He destroyed His own Son on the cross for us. He implemented a NEW COVENANT! He didn't break His own rules and do away with punishment. No- in an incredible show of His mercy AND justice, He poured out His wrath on Jesus, who lived a sinless life.
Hebrews 8:7-13 tells us the good news: "The time is coming, when I will make a new covenant with the house of Israel...it will not be like the covenant I made with their forefathers...because they did not remain faithful to my covenant, and I turned away from them. This is the covenant I will make with the house of Israel after that time (after they sin and break covenant)...I will put my law in their minds and write them on their hearts. I will be their God and they will be my people. No longer will a man teach his neighbor, or a man his brother saying 'Know the Lord,' because they will all know me, from the least of them to the greatest. For I will forgive their wickedness and will remember their sin no more."
Dang.
I read that first thing this morning and wept tears of gratitude. He knew we would sin...look at what He says "after that time"- and He exercises grace yet again to bring us near. We, who were condemned as "objects of wrath" (Eph. 2:3). Amazing. God's grace is truly amazing.
Thursday, August 19, 2010
for when I am weak, then I am strong
I am fearful.
Fearful of the silliest things, really. Of not being liked, of being thought foolish or stupid, of being forgotten or left out... yes, I think those things are some of my top fears. But are they really that silly? Because they feel like such valid fears sometimes.
I know I am not supposed to be fearful, that perfect love is supposed to cast out all fear and that I am no longer rejected- God has accepted me in Christ. There are Bible verses galore that would support these ideas, but I am having trouble translating them into real life. You know, figuring out how these truths change the way I live and respond to situations.
I don't understand it- it's like I have this irksome need to be liked! If I sense that someone doesn't like me, it bothers me. I scramble for ways to make them like me, ways to make them accept me. But the problem is that not everyone likes me. And I'm not always likeable (especially when I am this needy for approval).
This behavior has begun to affect me at work. Because I sometimes feel uncomfortable around my co-workers, I am not always myself, and as a result, I begin to feel insecure, and unsure of whether they really "like" me. Not that it should matter. And yet, I crave their approval and feel a lack when I don't get it. Any desire to share the gospel subsides as I strive for them to like me. I can't confront their bad language...they'll think I'm a goody-two-shoe! When I make mistakes or am confronted about something I didn't do correctly, instead of handling it graciously, I act as if I am being victimized. And when things don't go my way...well, I get cranky. I'm not painting a very pretty picture of myself here, and really that's just as well, because it's a truer picture of myself than the image I often try to portray. The truth is, I am a small, selfish, fearful child.
And yet, I am promised that as I behold His glory, He is transforming me into His image. I am promised that if I just open my mouth, He will give me the words to say. And if I am faithful to share the Gospel, He is the one who will give the grace for someone to believe the truth I share with them. It's ultimately not about me. It never is, really. As Kevin DeYoung says, "Never underestimate the germinating power of the Word." All that is needed for God's Word to take root in someone's heart and produce fruit-bearing faith is God's Word. Not a smooth-talking, attractive, outgoing, well-dressed person. Not a killer personality or skillful public speaking skills. I'm so glad that my utter weakness does not disqualify me from sharing the Gospel!
It'd be a miracle if my co-workers even see a tiny speck of resemblance between me and my Jesus. I am so incredibly weak and self-centered. My heart grumbles like the Israelites did in the desert. Why did you bring me here, God? That I have the audacity to ask such questions is indicative of my unbelief. He has demonstrated His provision beautifully for me: a great home full of believers, a job right out of college, a solid church full of people who love the Lord...and I still struggle to believe that He is with me, that He is for me, that He is working in me and through me.
It's time to take my eyes off myself and turn my attention back to Jesus.
"Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has gone through the heavens, Jesus the son of God, let us hold firmly to the faith we profess. [notice we don't hold firm to our faith because we are awesome Christians, but because we have an awesome Savior] For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are- yet was without sin. [amazing...] Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need." -Hebrews 4:16
I don't know about you, but I am running towards that throne...
Fearful of the silliest things, really. Of not being liked, of being thought foolish or stupid, of being forgotten or left out... yes, I think those things are some of my top fears. But are they really that silly? Because they feel like such valid fears sometimes.
I know I am not supposed to be fearful, that perfect love is supposed to cast out all fear and that I am no longer rejected- God has accepted me in Christ. There are Bible verses galore that would support these ideas, but I am having trouble translating them into real life. You know, figuring out how these truths change the way I live and respond to situations.
I don't understand it- it's like I have this irksome need to be liked! If I sense that someone doesn't like me, it bothers me. I scramble for ways to make them like me, ways to make them accept me. But the problem is that not everyone likes me. And I'm not always likeable (especially when I am this needy for approval).
This behavior has begun to affect me at work. Because I sometimes feel uncomfortable around my co-workers, I am not always myself, and as a result, I begin to feel insecure, and unsure of whether they really "like" me. Not that it should matter. And yet, I crave their approval and feel a lack when I don't get it. Any desire to share the gospel subsides as I strive for them to like me. I can't confront their bad language...they'll think I'm a goody-two-shoe! When I make mistakes or am confronted about something I didn't do correctly, instead of handling it graciously, I act as if I am being victimized. And when things don't go my way...well, I get cranky. I'm not painting a very pretty picture of myself here, and really that's just as well, because it's a truer picture of myself than the image I often try to portray. The truth is, I am a small, selfish, fearful child.
And yet, I am promised that as I behold His glory, He is transforming me into His image. I am promised that if I just open my mouth, He will give me the words to say. And if I am faithful to share the Gospel, He is the one who will give the grace for someone to believe the truth I share with them. It's ultimately not about me. It never is, really. As Kevin DeYoung says, "Never underestimate the germinating power of the Word." All that is needed for God's Word to take root in someone's heart and produce fruit-bearing faith is God's Word. Not a smooth-talking, attractive, outgoing, well-dressed person. Not a killer personality or skillful public speaking skills. I'm so glad that my utter weakness does not disqualify me from sharing the Gospel!
It'd be a miracle if my co-workers even see a tiny speck of resemblance between me and my Jesus. I am so incredibly weak and self-centered. My heart grumbles like the Israelites did in the desert. Why did you bring me here, God? That I have the audacity to ask such questions is indicative of my unbelief. He has demonstrated His provision beautifully for me: a great home full of believers, a job right out of college, a solid church full of people who love the Lord...and I still struggle to believe that He is with me, that He is for me, that He is working in me and through me.
It's time to take my eyes off myself and turn my attention back to Jesus.
"Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has gone through the heavens, Jesus the son of God, let us hold firmly to the faith we profess. [notice we don't hold firm to our faith because we are awesome Christians, but because we have an awesome Savior] For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are- yet was without sin. [amazing...] Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need." -Hebrews 4:16
I don't know about you, but I am running towards that throne...
Sunday, August 8, 2010
dimly, as in a mirror
A song I heard for the first time at Next a few months ago starts out with these words:
"Lord, your children have not been spared
From this world's daily trials and cares
We know weakness, fear and sorrow, yet we're not alone..."
In a way, I do feel like I have been "spared". I admit I have not known many real trials. And I don't pretend that the difficulties I do face from time to time are anything compared to what my fellow brothers and sisters suffer daily in other areas of the world.
Most of my so-called trials happen as a result of my own sin. I relate to these lyrics though because I DO know weakness, fear, and sorrow- they've been some of my closest "friends". I am weak insofar as I am unable to desire God the way that I have been created to. Instead of living by faith, I so often am dictated by fear. And sorrow, of course, naturally follows. I see the sad effects of my own sin wreaking havoc on the world which God once called "good". I stand in the ranks of those who have been redeemed, yet I live here on the earth below- so very far from where I was meant to be.
I cried myself to sleep last night. I was reading a book about prayer... it was talking about how I was created for relationship with God, and suddenly I realized that despite the fact that the very notion of distance was banished at the cross (Ephesians 2:13, 18) I still can feel so very far from Him. I don't get to sit and talk to Him face-to-face like Moses did. I don't get to walk in the cool of the day with Him like Adam and Eve did before the Fall. Why? Because of my sin. Our sin. Sin!
I HATE IT.
I hate that apart from those rare and beautiful moments, I don't even know what it's like to just sit and TALK with Him. I can describe the doctrine of sonship to you, but I don't know what it's like to BE WITH my Father. Basically, I talk as if I have an intimate relationship with my Father, but I don't. "Theoretically, it is close. Practically, it is distant." It's that idea of "knowing about" vs. "knowing". I know a lot about God. I mean, and I love knowing about Him- I get to sit under some pretty awesome teaching about Him, and I rejoice at any opportunity to hear about Him, but sometimes, I just long to hear Him. There are moments, like last night, when the disconnect is so painful that I don't know quite what to do.
This morning at church, God answered me and brought me hope from this passage:
Revelation 21:1-5
Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and there was no longer any sea. I saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, "Now the dwelling place of God is with men, and He will live with them. They will be His people, and God Himself will be with them and be their God. He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away." He who was seated on the throne said, "I am making everything new!" Then He said, "Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true."
I have always marvelled at Christians who express their longing for Heaven. I can't say I have ever had a burning desire for Heaven- mostly because I have never been able to imagine it, wrap my understanding around it. It had actually been a source of shame for me, because, after all, what kind of Christian doesn't long for Heaven? But this morning, the reading of this passage literally made me ache for the day when God will come and fulfill His covenant promise at the marriage feast of the Lamb. I will see Him as He really is. My eyes will actually behold Him in all His fullness and I will finally be with Him forever, unhindered by sin or doubt or worry or fear or anything at all. Even our broken relationships with one another within the body of Christ (the result of sin) will be restored! All the pain we feel from being separated from God and one another...that is part of the old order. There is a new order coming. Sin and all of its effects will eventually cease to exist! God is preparing a bride, spotless and without wrinkle, to present to the Lamb: the reward of His suffering!
When I feel distant from God, I can be reminded that one day I will be with Him in His presence forever! But in the meanwhile there is still hope: Exodus 15:13 says "In Your unfailing love You will lead the people You have redeemed. In Your strength You will guide them to Your holy dwelling." Even as we sojourn here on earth, He promises to walk beside us. He has not promised to withhold pain, trial, death, or hardship from us. Those are the means of sanctification. But He has promised to guide us and lead us until we reach our final dwelling place.
So while we are here on earth we see dimly, and we shall know in part. But I pray that He would hasten the day when we will see Him not in glimpses or traces but in fullness of glory and splendor!
"Lord, your children have not been spared
From this world's daily trials and cares
We know weakness, fear and sorrow, yet we're not alone..."
In a way, I do feel like I have been "spared". I admit I have not known many real trials. And I don't pretend that the difficulties I do face from time to time are anything compared to what my fellow brothers and sisters suffer daily in other areas of the world.
Most of my so-called trials happen as a result of my own sin. I relate to these lyrics though because I DO know weakness, fear, and sorrow- they've been some of my closest "friends". I am weak insofar as I am unable to desire God the way that I have been created to. Instead of living by faith, I so often am dictated by fear. And sorrow, of course, naturally follows. I see the sad effects of my own sin wreaking havoc on the world which God once called "good". I stand in the ranks of those who have been redeemed, yet I live here on the earth below- so very far from where I was meant to be.
I cried myself to sleep last night. I was reading a book about prayer... it was talking about how I was created for relationship with God, and suddenly I realized that despite the fact that the very notion of distance was banished at the cross (Ephesians 2:13, 18) I still can feel so very far from Him. I don't get to sit and talk to Him face-to-face like Moses did. I don't get to walk in the cool of the day with Him like Adam and Eve did before the Fall. Why? Because of my sin. Our sin. Sin!
I HATE IT.
I hate that apart from those rare and beautiful moments, I don't even know what it's like to just sit and TALK with Him. I can describe the doctrine of sonship to you, but I don't know what it's like to BE WITH my Father. Basically, I talk as if I have an intimate relationship with my Father, but I don't. "Theoretically, it is close. Practically, it is distant." It's that idea of "knowing about" vs. "knowing". I know a lot about God. I mean, and I love knowing about Him- I get to sit under some pretty awesome teaching about Him, and I rejoice at any opportunity to hear about Him, but sometimes, I just long to hear Him. There are moments, like last night, when the disconnect is so painful that I don't know quite what to do.
This morning at church, God answered me and brought me hope from this passage:
Revelation 21:1-5
Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and there was no longer any sea. I saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, "Now the dwelling place of God is with men, and He will live with them. They will be His people, and God Himself will be with them and be their God. He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away." He who was seated on the throne said, "I am making everything new!" Then He said, "Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true."
I have always marvelled at Christians who express their longing for Heaven. I can't say I have ever had a burning desire for Heaven- mostly because I have never been able to imagine it, wrap my understanding around it. It had actually been a source of shame for me, because, after all, what kind of Christian doesn't long for Heaven? But this morning, the reading of this passage literally made me ache for the day when God will come and fulfill His covenant promise at the marriage feast of the Lamb. I will see Him as He really is. My eyes will actually behold Him in all His fullness and I will finally be with Him forever, unhindered by sin or doubt or worry or fear or anything at all. Even our broken relationships with one another within the body of Christ (the result of sin) will be restored! All the pain we feel from being separated from God and one another...that is part of the old order. There is a new order coming. Sin and all of its effects will eventually cease to exist! God is preparing a bride, spotless and without wrinkle, to present to the Lamb: the reward of His suffering!
When I feel distant from God, I can be reminded that one day I will be with Him in His presence forever! But in the meanwhile there is still hope: Exodus 15:13 says "In Your unfailing love You will lead the people You have redeemed. In Your strength You will guide them to Your holy dwelling." Even as we sojourn here on earth, He promises to walk beside us. He has not promised to withhold pain, trial, death, or hardship from us. Those are the means of sanctification. But He has promised to guide us and lead us until we reach our final dwelling place.
So while we are here on earth we see dimly, and we shall know in part. But I pray that He would hasten the day when we will see Him not in glimpses or traces but in fullness of glory and splendor!
Thursday, August 5, 2010
trodding
I think the honeymoon phase may be over.
Yesterday I woke up dreading going to work, forgot to pack myself a lunch (and it was too late by the time I realized it) and had to spend money at a bodega. (Is it terrible if I think the guy there purposefully overcharges me for my sandwich because I'm dressed in "business casual"?) I almost cried after spending nearly an hour filling out a public assistance form with a man who it turns out was going to lie about where he lived so that he might obtain money from the government. Later the same day, I fell while running up (yes, up) the stairs and fought back tears (and swear words) as I watched a nice bruise appear on my left shin.
It's times like this when I am comforted by the fact that God never changes. He is still good, He still loves me, and I am still His...those things will never change because they are realities that exist outside of time- outside of my little life here on earth. And so I trod on, because He who has called me is faithful and He will do it. He will finish what He's started.
Yesterday I woke up dreading going to work, forgot to pack myself a lunch (and it was too late by the time I realized it) and had to spend money at a bodega. (Is it terrible if I think the guy there purposefully overcharges me for my sandwich because I'm dressed in "business casual"?) I almost cried after spending nearly an hour filling out a public assistance form with a man who it turns out was going to lie about where he lived so that he might obtain money from the government. Later the same day, I fell while running up (yes, up) the stairs and fought back tears (and swear words) as I watched a nice bruise appear on my left shin.
It's times like this when I am comforted by the fact that God never changes. He is still good, He still loves me, and I am still His...those things will never change because they are realities that exist outside of time- outside of my little life here on earth. And so I trod on, because He who has called me is faithful and He will do it. He will finish what He's started.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)